Monday, June 23, 2014

Christan Smith

"Just tell my story."

I was asked awhile back to start thinking about what I would put on the women's blog so I thought I would have plenty of time to produce a well versed, mind blowing, uplifting and downright awesome piece of literature.

"Just tell my story."

I want to tell my testimony about how I was an only child who grew up with great parents who taught me great morals. About how even though they divorced when I was very young, they both kept me as their number one priority and loved me even greater than their differences.

"Just tell my story."

I want to tell you of my journey through having a child young, being a single parent, going through college (the 7 year plan), starting my career, marrying the love of my life and having our child.

"Just tell my story."

That's what God was telling me. And by "my" story he meant His story.
Matthew 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."
That's what I am right now. Poor in Spirit. When I first gave my life to Christ, I was on top of the world. Nothing was going to bring me down. I finally found something to live for that isn't going to leave me or give up on me. It was a new found peace from my old life and finding myself renewed in Christ.

And guess who found out? That's right. The enemy. Don't you hate that? When you are in such a good mood and somebody comes along and just brings you down. What's up with that?

My husband and I had our first child together in August of last year. I have an (almost) 8 year old from a previous marriage. As most of you know having a child is an amazing experience. You finally get a glimpse of how much God loves you because all of the sudden you find yourself completely in love with someone you just met. And with new life in your arms, a new life swarms around you and you find yourself in a world completely different than before. Sleepless nights. Sleepless days. Emotional melt downs. Worries that you never thought you would worry about.

How often should my child be eating? For how long? Are my nipples supposed to hurt this much? What happens if I drink this cup of coffee? What temperature constitutes a fever? Why can't I be a stay at home Mom? Why do I have to work? Why is day care so expensive? Why can't my husband put the baby to sleep as fast as I can? Should I make my own baby food? Why don't I print out all those thousands of pictures I have on my phone? Am I loving my older child as much as I do this one? So many things running through my head at 100 miles an hour, I can't keep up. And at the bottom of my list of things to worry about...My husband.

Through this wonderfully, fast paced transition of family of 3 to family of 4, I put my husband in the back seat. He was experiencing new temptations from old habits and I had no idea. While it makes sense that my focus was on our baby, I lost sight of everyone else. And there goes another worry. Bring the perfect Mom, wife and daughter of a King all at the same time.

However, through this time I have found that the only constant is God. He loves me and I have to remember that. He loves me when I’m happy. He loves me when I praise Him. He loves me when I’m crying my eyes out because I can’t understand why circumstances arise. He loves me despite my doubts and fears. He loves me when I am on my knees begging for things to be different. And He loves you. That’s what His story is all about. Love.