Psalm
103:1-5
Praise
the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise
the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who
forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who
redeems your life from the pit and crowns you
with
love and compassion, who satisfies your desires
with
good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
God
used my pain for His glory. He healed my disease and redeemed my life
from the pit I had created. He took off the old life of sin and
destruction and gave me a new life. A life so much better than I
could have ever known on my own. My house burned down
on November 29, the day after Thanksgiving. It was shocking, and
sad, and traumatic to watch your home burn to the ground. Standing
out on your neighbors driveway as your life changes in a matter of
minutes. My first thought was "how will we do this?" As in
“how will we ever navigate through the mess and the disaster that
had become ashes.” But then I had an overwhelming peace and
comfort. I knew that it was going to be alright. It was going to be
beautiful in the end. Beauty from Ashes.
Two
weeks before our house burned I prayed for Boldness. Pastor
Tom did a sermon called My Church Prays Big Prayers. During that
sermon something was stirring in me. Every word that was said was
spoken directly to me. At the end we prayed together as a church. The
prayer was this. "God allow me, your servant to speak your word
boldly. Do something in my life that's so obvious it's from you that
others would notice and Jesus would get all the glory."
I
prayed this simple prayer. In church on an ordinary Sunday.
And then God answered me.
Here
is the thing about me. I was living my life just like everyone
else. I was baptized at age 17. I thought I was living the life that
a Christian was supposed to live. I had my moments of being
close with God, but for the most part I was consumed with ME.
Everything was about living the way my flesh wanted to
live. I had accepted Christ as my savior but did not want
to lay down my life for Him. I was consumed with anger,
bitterness and rage. I struggled with relationships and being closed
off and insecure. I did not want to be close to people. I
felt like the minute they realized who I was they would not like
me. Why put yourself out there when rejection was going to be
the end result?
Don't
get me wrong. I could fake it better than anyone. I put a smile
on my face and pretended I was alright. But I was far
from alright. I was dead. I craved something more than that, but I
was so comfortable in my mess that I really didn't know it could
be better. I build up my fortress and did not want to come out. And
all along the God of faithfulness was pursuing me. He was calling to
me even when I did not want to hear.
After
I prayed that prayer something drastic happened to me. It was like
the Holy Spirit gutted me. Jesus was alive in me. I started reading
the book of Acts. It became alive in a way that I have never
experienced. I started obeying immediately when I felt the Holy
Spirit convict me. I was reading the Bible and praying constantly. I
started to share my belief in Jesus. My entire existence was seen
from a new perspective. All I wanted to do was let people know that
they could have this freedom. Free from all the bondage that was my
life. I lived my life for 33 years thinking that I knew God. But I
had no idea the relationship He desires.
God
spoke to me one night a week after my prayer and put on my
heart to tell my husband some things that I had been lying about. I
did not want to tell him because I thought it would be the end of my
marriage. I thought he would leave me and I asked God why now when
everything was finally going so well in my marriage. God says, "For
my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways"
declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your
thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
I
confessed to my husband and he forgave me. With open arms and open
heart he forgave. As soon as I obeyed, God gave me a vision of
helping the least of these. A very clear vision. A vision to have
housing on our property for those that are lost and need hope. To be
the hands and feet of Christ. We live on 1.5 acres of land. We
have room to provide this for those that have nothing.
Then
one week later our house burned down. Through this experience I have
seen God take something we think is a disaster and turn it into
beauty. If our house would not have burned down we would have never
experienced having nothing. If our house had not burned down
we would not have received the outpouring of love from the community,
friends, church and family. If our house would not have burned down
we would not have seen the hands and feet of Christ. EVERY SINGLE
NEED WAS MET!
Even
when you think you are in the absolute worst circumstance of your
life, God takes that and uses it to His Glory. You just have to say
Yes. We are in constant prayer over the next step of our
lives. I strive only to do God's will and not a single ounce of my
will. I pray that His desires would be my desires. I pray that I
never lose sight of what God has called me to do. To help the lost
get found.
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