Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you
with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires
with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Two weeks before our house burned I prayed for Boldness. Pastor Tom did a sermon called My Church Prays Big Prayers. During that sermon something was stirring in me. Every word that was said was spoken directly to me. At the end we prayed together as a church. The prayer was this. "God allow me, your servant to speak your word boldly. Do something in my life that's so obvious it's from you that others would notice and Jesus would get all the glory."
Here is the thing about me. I was living my life just like everyone else. I was baptized at age 17. I thought I was living the life that a Christian was supposed to live. I had my moments of being close with God, but for the most part I was consumed with ME. Everything was about living the way my flesh wanted to live. I had accepted Christ as my savior but did not want to lay down my life for Him. I was consumed with anger, bitterness and rage. I struggled with relationships and being closed off and insecure. I did not want to be close to people. I felt like the minute they realized who I was they would not like me. Why put yourself out there when rejection was going to be the end result?
Don't get me wrong. I could fake it better than anyone. I put a smile on my face and pretended I was alright. But I was far from alright. I was dead. I craved something more than that, but I was so comfortable in my mess that I really didn't know it could be better. I build up my fortress and did not want to come out. And all along the God of faithfulness was pursuing me. He was calling to me even when I did not want to hear.
After I prayed that prayer something drastic happened to me. It was like the Holy Spirit gutted me. Jesus was alive in me. I started reading the book of Acts. It became alive in a way that I have never experienced. I started obeying immediately when I felt the Holy Spirit convict me. I was reading the Bible and praying constantly. I started to share my belief in Jesus. My entire existence was seen from a new perspective. All I wanted to do was let people know that they could have this freedom. Free from all the bondage that was my life. I lived my life for 33 years thinking that I knew God. But I had no idea the relationship He desires.
God spoke to me one night a week after my prayer and put on my heart to tell my husband some things that I had been lying about. I did not want to tell him because I thought it would be the end of my marriage. I thought he would leave me and I asked God why now when everything was finally going so well in my marriage. God says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
I confessed to my husband and he forgave me. With open arms and open heart he forgave. As soon as I obeyed, God gave me a vision of helping the least of these. A very clear vision. A vision to have housing on our property for those that are lost and need hope. To be the hands and feet of Christ. We live on 1.5 acres of land. We have room to provide this for those that have nothing.
Then one week later our house burned down. Through this experience I have seen God take something we think is a disaster and turn it into beauty. If our house would not have burned down we would have never experienced having nothing. If our house had not burned down we would not have received the outpouring of love from the community, friends, church and family. If our house would not have burned down we would not have seen the hands and feet of Christ. EVERY SINGLE NEED WAS MET!
Even when you think you are in the absolute worst circumstance of your life, God takes that and uses it to His Glory. You just have to say Yes. We are in constant prayer over the next step of our lives. I strive only to do God's will and not a single ounce of my will. I pray that His desires would be my desires. I pray that I never lose sight of what God has called me to do. To help the lost get found.