God most recently taught me an intellectual truth that explains His repeated deliverance of my heart. “Create in me a pure heart, O God” Psalm 51:10. The Hebrew word for create in Psalm 51:10 is “bara”. It is the same Hebrew word used in Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” It means to create out of nothing, to shape, to form, of something new. The same word our poetic brothers and sisters used to describe the miracle of creation, David used to describe how God makes a pure heart. Supernaturally! From nothing! From darkness!
Any of my sisters who share in my journey through infertility and pregnancy loss may know a thing or two about David’s words in Psalm 51:10. We continually need to make the conscious choice to allow God to pick up our pieces and miraculously place our hearts back together and renew our spirits. It’s the only way I’ve found for me to be whole again, month after month, failed fertility cycle after failed fertility cycle, and especially after the loss of our unborn children.
There have been times where I wasn’t really sure God existed. Where deep in my heartache and grief my faith was so small that all I had was enough to hope that He would bring me through. And ladies I promise, no God promises, no matter how small your hope, no matter how tiny your faith may feel…it is enough for God to create beauty from it. I’m a living testimony of this, and sometimes it feels as if I’ve traveled in circles over and over again. That God heals my heart and intangible spirit over and over is a much bigger miracle to me than His creation of the earth. I am not downplaying the creation story. I am stating that He is grander with His creation than I ever knew. I see His glory in my repeated wholeness and healing and that is testimony to His power!
God uses our suffering for good. Therefore, despite our circumstances we should, like Him, use it for good as well. It is a conscious choice to allow our suffering to soften and not harden our hearts. Exodus 34:6 states that our King is longsuffering. His patience for us endures. “And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me” Psalm 50:15. Our only responsibility is to ask, to open our hearts so He may heal them. He is ready and waiting for us to ask for deliverance. I do not know your personal situation, if it is grief, sin, a hardened heart, boredom, anger, bitterness, addiction, and the list goes on. You are not beyond God’s reach or His want to restore your wholeness. Our God creates (bara) from nothing. From darkness he made the seas and all that is in them. His book is full of this testimony and also of His deliverance of His people from oppression.
Pursuing the growth of our family is a high risk high reward business and throughout it all His molding and forming of my heart has me astonished. The risk of loss is very real for us because our losses have been large. Yet, God’s work on my spirit gives me the courage to endure it all again, to take the risk that I may suffer loss again. I know He will be there. He is long suffered with us. He will deliver us when we call on Him. He will create in us a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within us. From nothing, He can and He WILL supernaturally mold a broken heart into one that is whole. Call on Him. O Lord! Again I ask, “create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” I thank Him for moving in ways I never asked for and in ways I could never imagine. I praise Him for the lessons and wisdom He has imparted in me, and I thank Him for the privilege of sharing them with you. May He continue to create and renew in you without limitation.