God
most recently taught me an intellectual truth that explains His
repeated deliverance of my heart. “Create in me a pure heart, O
God” Psalm 51:10. The Hebrew word for create in Psalm 51:10 is
“bara”. It is the same Hebrew word used in Genesis 1:1, “In the
beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” It means to create
out of nothing, to shape, to form, of something new. The same word
our poetic brothers and sisters used to describe the miracle of
creation, David used to describe how God makes a pure heart.
Supernaturally! From nothing! From darkness!
Any
of my sisters who share in my journey through infertility and
pregnancy loss may know a thing or two about David’s words in Psalm
51:10. We continually need to make the conscious choice to allow God
to pick up our pieces and miraculously place our hearts back together
and renew our spirits. It’s the only way I’ve found for me to be
whole again, month after month, failed fertility cycle after failed
fertility cycle, and especially after the loss of our unborn
children.
There
have been times where I wasn’t really sure God existed. Where deep
in my heartache and grief my faith was so small that all I had was
enough to hope that He would bring me through. And ladies I promise,
no God promises, no matter how small your hope, no matter how tiny
your faith may feel…it is enough for God to create beauty from it.
I’m a living testimony of this, and sometimes it feels as if I’ve
traveled in circles over and over again. That God heals my heart and
intangible spirit over and over is a much bigger miracle to me than
His creation of the earth. I am not downplaying the creation story. I
am stating that He is grander with His creation than I ever knew. I
see His glory in my repeated wholeness and healing and that is
testimony to His power!
God
uses our suffering for good. Therefore, despite our circumstances we
should, like Him, use it for good as well. It is a conscious choice
to allow our suffering to soften and not harden our hearts. Exodus
34:6 states that our King is longsuffering. His patience for us
endures. “And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you,
and you will honor me” Psalm 50:15. Our only responsibility is to
ask, to open our hearts so He may heal them. He is ready and waiting
for us to ask for deliverance. I do not know your personal situation,
if it is grief, sin, a hardened heart, boredom, anger, bitterness,
addiction, and the list goes on. You are not beyond God’s reach or
His want to restore your wholeness. Our God creates (bara) from
nothing. From darkness he made the seas and all that is in them. His
book is full of this testimony and also of His deliverance of His
people from oppression.
Pursuing
the growth of our family is a high risk high reward business and
throughout it all His molding and forming of my heart has me
astonished. The risk of loss is very real for us because our losses
have been large. Yet, God’s work on my spirit gives me the courage
to endure it all again, to take the risk that I may suffer loss
again. I know He will be there. He is long suffered with us. He will
deliver us when we call on Him. He will
create in us a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within us.
From nothing, He can and He WILL
supernaturally mold a broken heart into one that is whole. Call on
Him. O Lord! Again I ask, “create in me a pure heart and renew a
steadfast spirit within me.” I thank Him for moving in ways I never
asked for and in ways I could never imagine. I praise Him for the
lessons and wisdom He has imparted in me, and I thank Him for the
privilege of sharing them with you. May He continue to create and
renew in you without limitation.
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