Howdy! My name is Halllie and I have
never blogged. I am excited but scared for you to expect something
life-changing out of this post, but that is where God does His
"thang", He takes ordinary people to do His exceptional
work, right?! So, I hope you can take a break from whatever you are
doing right now, read this, and know that though we may have
different lives, but we are created from the same Maker and struggle
with the same sins.
A mom of a hilarious (I don't use that
lightly) and clever 2.75 year old boy, 8 months pregnant with baby
number 2, and wife to John for 7.5 years, that's me on paper! I tend
to ramble so going much deeper than that would result in your lunch
break being over before we get to the good stuff. I love to work in
the yard, stroll through nurseries and new/under-construction homes,
do projects with my man, workout, be on the water, mow grass, eat
Cheetos, bake but not cook, make sure people have a good time, and
having people in my home are a few of my favorite things. I was born
and raised in church, strayed a hair in college but never left my
roots, then met my lobster in a singles group at a church much like
Crosspoint after moving home, jobless, with a degree, into my old
bedroom, and being 100% certain my life had ended right when it was
supposed to begin. :)
I've totally put off writing this in
hopes that through prayer and maybe hearing God's loud audible voice
for the first time ever, the topic would be sent down to me on a
jagged stone or maybe 6 different women would ask me about the same
thing over a 2 day period and it would be CLEAR.
Crickets....nothing. So, I dug deep and tried to sort out this last
year, the last few, then ultimately my marriage for some tough
lessons or anything that I could share that may illuminate a mind
bulb or pluck a heart string for a sister in Christ. Rather than any
one situation or event, a concept comes to mind....We've done some
great studies as dating, engaged, then as a married couple. We've
been to A Weekend To Remember (awesome!), some counseling during a
particularly tough time, and both read many books. I walk away
feeling extra "ready" each time and hopeful that we won't
sink into the same rut or argument. Most recently, a study called
Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs taught a concept that I
knew...but didn't really embrace as often as I should.
RESPONSIBILITY.
Responsible...that is something I've
been called most of my life. I did my chores, gleefully, completed
my homework early and over the top (yes, nerd here) , baby sat kids
until I could drive then got a real job, was involved in many things
in school, went to college where I worked the whole time, graduated
early and at the top of my class, and have worked pretty much ever
since then. That is responsibility to the world...but what does
responsibility look like with emotions? What does it look like in
marriage? Socially?
The very root of the word is
RESPONSE...meaning how we act because of something. All it takes is
one call to a good girlfriend to explain our side of something and be
reassured that we were "totally right" for how we felt or
how we acted and how terrible the other person must be, yes? That's
all fine and dandy until we realize we don't win by being right, we
don't win by being wrong, we win by being Christ like. In
friendships and in marriage, I've never consciously thought "I
MUST WIN HERE!" and fought to the bitter end, but I sure have
dissected who said what and why and how I only reacted to them and
them to me and before you know it yeah...it’s too late to un-speak.
The common thread is reacting on the reaction of others. What a
terribly confusing and dizzying way to live! Dr. Emerson taught us
to believe, practice, and accept that "My response is my
responsibility". Sounds simple enough....but boy, it’s tough.
The good news is it's very liberating! Stop and REALLY consider
that...how you react is YOUR responsibility. Let me put it simply,
you will not stand on the rolling clouds in front of our Savior and
say "He made me do it!" You cannot explain away why we did
anything on earth by telling Christ "what had happened".
This may sound silly and obvious, but really let that sink in.
Whether your husband, boss, friend, mom, or kids really push your
buttons or say the one most hurtful thing possible...all that matters
is how you react. Will you let their reaction dictate yours? Don't
REact, just act...like Christ. God did not make us to be tossed
about by this cruel and fallen world, but to be a LIGHT to it. You
may not win every battle with your adversaries, but together we can
win the war for Christ and grow closer to Him. Sure, when things are
spinning and our tears are real and the pain is fresh, growing closer
to God seems far away...but these are the moments I've learned the
most. If you've ever met John, you know he is a mess :), a fun,
crazy, passionate goofball mess. Makes for a fun and lively marriage
but can make for rambunctious and lively arguments, I'm no wallflower
myself. I have finally learned that maybe our reactions feed each
other, and I can literally stop the madness myself, by not reacting,
just acting...like Christ. There are layers to people and marriage
(buy the book) but really stopping to think "God won't care that
I was provoked, He will only care how I treat my mate" was eye
opening to me.
My mother in law has recently been
through something I would never wish on my worst enemy. All you need
to know is that she has been questioned, talked about, turned on,
judged, isolated, and had to be a rock in some very sloppy and murky
waters she was dumped into at the hand of her husband. I found
myself doubting her mental stability or wondering if she literally
hears from God and He is holding her hand because she was either
crazy or cosmic. Then this study struck a chord. No matter what her
spouse did, she made a promise to honor God in her marriage and love
him like Christ would...NO...MATTER.....WHAT. We'd all like to say
we'd do the same, but some very "Christian" women and
family members have suggested otherwise. In my immature brain, I
have played out scenarios for her (and myself during some tough
times) of what she deserved, how Christ would WANT her to be
fulfilled and happy...that is a slippery slope. God does not promise
us happiness, He promises eternity with Him after doing His work
here on earth. I cannot think of anyone else at this point in time
doing more of His work than she is...and to think....so many church
going people have abandoned her for doing just that. How trivial and
small are my hang ups? How crazy must I drive John at times and
thankfully he doesn't treat me how I deserve?
God is kind enough to let us enjoy this
beautiful place, have meaningful relationships with friends, our
spouse, and our kids. He blesses us with jobs to have and do things
many in the world can't afford; however, that is not our ultimate
purpose. Our purpose is to be like Christ to everyone we meet. I
have been convicted and challenged to take full responsibility for
how I act and react, regardless of the way I am treated. Turning the
other cheek was not Jesus being a door mat, he was letting them
physically abuse Him but by turning to offer the other, He was making
the choice, not being the victim. No one can cause us to act a
certain way, they are merely revealing the way we are....we have to
choose to be better and learn how to submit, and serve others to
honor Christ.
In my first job at the Houston Astros,
I had a very career driven single "cat lady" of a boss who
told me one time to "put on my big girl panties and deal with
it". I'm thankful to not work for her anymore but in that
moment, she was right. We need to "cowgirl up" (a little
shorter and sweeter way to say the same thing) and stop letting
others steal our joy, steal our grace, and steal our mercy that
Christ gave to us to be EXTENDED to those who need it most. We don't
get to choose the mission field, we are in it! Do not be of the
world.....Love you gals!
