Monday, October 29, 2012

Week 19: Lisa Blomstrom

Lisa Blomstrom & daughter Stephany Allen
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a girl that loves words - I love to use lots of them when I am talking and when I am writing. In fact I have always dreamed about one day writing a book. How cool would that be? I have even thought of possibly writing a blog. But, then the whole fear of rejection thing pretty much took care of that. So, when I was asked to contribute to the Women's Ministry Blog, I was excited in theory, but, when I was given a deadline, my brain suddenly went blank. I have struggled for 4 days about what to write. I was told to just write about what God was doing in my life. You might think for a girl who loves words this would be an easy thing to do. No problema. Not true.
The Lord is doing many things in my life and trying to narrow it down, well I was going to just email them and tell them it was impossible. I needed more than just 4 days to make this the most inspiring, spiritual, uplifting, wise, motivating blog that ever was written. This was my big opportunity, I needed time to think and reflect and write and rewrite and perfect. But, the Lord in His infinite wisdom and mercy and grace and knowing me the way He does, rescued me from the abyss of "it’s all about me" and gave me a topic: Fear. I am not exactly sure what about fear, I just know that I am to write about fear. So here goes.
Here is what I know:
Fear destroys hope, innocence, opportunity, courage, trust, plans, dreams, desires, and relationships. At the root of every fear is a lie. A lie is the most oft used and most effective tool that the enemy uses on people period. He is no respector of age or gender. In fact the younger the fear is introduced the better; the more time the lie has time to root and for fear to grow and spread.
I also know that fear has been the driving force behind most all of my decisions in my life.
Who I married.
Parenting my Children.
Most all of my relationships.
My financial decisions.
My career decisions
You name it and pretty much fear was at the root of it. Now the enemy did start pretty early in my life. I was sexually abused as a child. I think there are a whole host of fears that move in with that. My home was completely destroyed by a tornado when I was 12 and everyone but my dad was in it. I was 9 ft tall when I was about 6, so bullying was a large part of my childhood, it didn't help that we moved, ALOT. Nor that we didn't have any money either. Fear of rejection was a huge hit with the enemy and he never tired of using that one. It was very effective. Still is sometimes. My father, though he never beat me, was emotionally abusive and I lived in irrational fear of my father. It wasn't until I was 37 that I began to realize I didn't have to be afraid of him any longer. I married someone I had no business marrying but, yep you guessed it, fear, is what drove my decision to marry a man that I knew was not the right one; but, my fear was that he was the only one that would ever want me. Once I had children, my fears became magnified. All of the fears from the past became so irrational. If there was a storm warning, I would put my kids in the car and drive to a store that was open (it didn't matter the middle of the night or day), so that we would be around people and not be alone. I was afraid that I would die and leave my children motherless, I was afraid they would die, I was afraid that someone would take them and hurt them just like they did me. FEAR, FEAR, FEAR. With all of this fear, there was no way that I could possibly live life, and most certainly not one that was based on a healthy relationship with God. Even after accepting the Lord as my Savior, fear drove me. I was extremely legalistic. Irrational in some of my thinking. I loved the Lord very much; my life was radically changed when I was saved. But, when you view everything through the lens of fear, if that is what colors your world, then everything is very skewed. Now this next part is my favorite:
BUT GOD..... But, God is faithful. He who began a good work in me October 30, 1984, will complete it. And in I John 4 it says: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. The Lord has pressed upon me the importance of His word. That is where I have learned WHO he is, what His heart is. Everything that I have studied over the last couple of years has led me to the same spot. Smack dab in the middle of his Word - His letter to me of His perfect love for me. Without it - I will continue to wrestle with what it looks like to walk out my salvation, without it - I am at the mercy of my enemy. With it, I can stand firm with the belt of Truth around my waist - the truth is that God is trustworthy and that He loves me. Period. No if's, I am His, He has chosen me. He knows all of my faults and failures; even better than I do (and I catalog mine quite often). When I am in His Word I can see where the path to freedom from fear is. It is trusting my Father to do exactly what he says He will do and that is forgive me when I fail and allow the fear to creep in and effect my decision making, to cast it as far as the east is from the west once I have confessed it; and that it is okay to move forward after that, focusing on what lies ahead and believing Him when he says "I know the plans I have for you Lisa, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. I have learned that He IS perfect love; that He is always with me, driving out that fear, I just have to follow in his footsteps as he goes before me, just like he promises He will. I have learned that doesn't mean life isn't going to happen and scary things aren't going to happen; but, that He will never leave me nor forsake me and He means it. He has shown it over and over and over and over again. He longs for me to trust Him to be my provider and my protector and my redeemer. He calls for me to be strong and courageous. It takes courage to leave behind your failures and to press forward towards the goal. He longs for me to trust Him to not only take care my enemy but to fix all of my boo boos as well. He doesn't say that there is a time table to the completion of the good work that He began, only that HE will finish it in me. When I am thinking on these things there is no room for fear. When I am thinking of these things I can dream and believe that I will be free of all that entangles me and that He is going to use me to show someone else what it looks like to be a Woman after His Own Heart, warts and all.

1 comment:

  1. This is a wonderful post, Ms. Lisa! You are a great writer. God Bless You!