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Delia Blair |
I’ve spent weeks, probably more than a month thinking and
praying about what I would write. A few days ago I began doing some reading to
help me figure it out. I came across one of my favorite quotes: “You can’t pray
and worry at the same time!” I also had penciled next to it: “If you’re
worrying, you’re not praying!”
Wow! That was a
reminder of a time in my life, nearly twenty years ago when I was all but
crippled by worry and fear. To the point that I was hospitalized and no doctor
could figure out why I was having such severe abdominal pain. It subsided in
about 48 hours and I was released. I have no doubt today that it was a physical
symptom of pain and brokenness in my heart, soul and mind.
Yes, I was a Christian at the time. Before the hospitalization
I sought Christian counseling, prayed and read scripture looking for the
answers to the problems that were destroying me and my family. Some of the scriptures
the counselors and I used then are still some of my favorites. These are just a
few:
Matthew
6:34-
Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has
enough trouble of its own.
John
14:27-
Peace
I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Psalm 121:1-2-
I lift up my eyes
to the mountains- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Proverbs 3:5-6-
Trust in the Lord
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways
submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.
Unfortunately after speaking with someone, praying or
reading scripture I was right back to the worrisome and fearful thoughts that
plagued my mind every waking moment. I would even find that my thoughts had
wondered to the worries while I was in counseling, praying, reading, talking to
a friend, cooking dinner or giving my baby a bath. I could concentrate on
nothing. It seemed as though I could not escape them for more than a few
seconds at a time. This affected every aspect of my life.
Then, by the grace of our almighty Father I met a group
of women who became and still are today my angels on earth! I believe the Lord
saved my life, my family and my marriage through them. They taught me how to
live out those scriptures. I was desperate and willing, so I did what they said
had worked for them.
My prayers changed. I started by only asking God to help
me. Those “angels on earth” were sometimes rather rough. They basically told me
I was such a mess that I really didn’t know what I needed or wanted, so to
simply ask that He would help me and give me the strength and peace to live
according to His will. In the past I would tell him what I needed Him to do. I
began praying that He would give my husband the same peace I wanted for myself.
It was suggested that every night I write down five
things I was grateful for in that day. After a while I decided to always make
sure at least one of those five was something about my husband. I eventually added a prayer of thanksgiving
for those things each night too. This one act was crucial in changing my
attitude.
My biggest obstacle was my thinking! I was told to read
scripture and/or from one of my inspirational daily readers each morning. Here
was the key part to that morning routine…After doing so I was to choose a part
of what I read to repeat to myself alllll day long! For example if I read John
14:27 I may decide to “think” on “do not be afraid” for that day. As the day
went on and I would realize I was worrying I would just start saying to myself,
“do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid…” I sometimes repeated it
out loud if I was alone. I learned that it was possible to control my thoughts
and therefore I had control over my serenity. This behavior allowed me to begin
to understand and feel the peace Jesus had left for me.
Although it’s been many years since I began to make these
changes, I do not live a worry and fear free life. However, I can confidently
say that even through some tough times that followed I am no longer controlled
by worry and fear. No matter what may happen I trust the Lord’s will in my life
today. My life is His anyway!